Thursday, April 30, 2009

Sold On...........Not Sold On

Random things that I am "Sold On" and "Not Sold On"

Sold on:People telling me they like my blog.
Not Sold On:People bitching when I don't update it daily.

Sold on:
Not Sold On:Drinking too much while eating Raisinets and not knowing if you spilled them in your seat or if you have shat yourself.

Sold on:Needing to call the doctor because you have "Hawks Fever"
Not Sold On:Needing to call the doctor because you have "Swine Flu"

Sold on:Getting a new neighbor
Not Sold On:My new neighbor being a dude.

Sold on:Updating my blog while sitting by the pool.
Not Sold On:Having an asshole tell me I need to purchase a membership in order to use the internet account at the pool.

Sold on:Continuing to update my blog while that asshole looks at me.
Not Sold On:My laptop battery dying and that asshole thinking he ran me off.

Sold on:Eating Taco Bell 3 times a week.
Not Sold On:My heart exploding.

Sold on:Single women with dogs.
Not Sold On:Katie getting rough.

Sold on:Drinking beer in the pool.
Not Sold On:Stepping on a shard of glass from a broken beer bottle at the pool.

Sold on:Joe Biden entertaining me with his comments.
Not Sold On:The Secret Service taking a bullet for Joe Biden one day.

Sold on:The Millionaire Matchmaker Club on Bravo
Not Sold On:The host not being a man dressed in drag.

Sold on:Pizza
Not Sold On:Uhhh...yeah there is nothing bad about pizza.

Sold on:Conan O'Brien
Not Sold On:Jimmy Fallon

Sold on:"Rachel"
Not Sold On:"Pam"

Thursday, April 23, 2009

Samantha Haberkorn Coffee Table

I'm giving this weeks "ThatManDintCare" Award to this Craigslist author. He pretty much sums up his feeling with his own comments.

Samantha Haberkorn Coffee Table - $50 (East Village)

Reply to: [Errors when replying to ads?]
Date: 2009-04-22, 11:46AM EDT

With those cold depressing days of winter behind us, if you can't frolic through the wildflower fields of Southern California, then what better way welcome the warm weather than sprucing up your boring apartment with a little spring decorating.

Hurry now because this original Samantha Haberkorn coffee table won't last long. What? You've never heard of the Samatha Haberkorn collection? Maybe that's because you've never been to a brothel or visited enough public bathroom stalls where you surely would have seen her name etched on the wall. Samantha Haberkorn is my ex-girlfriend and two weeks ago I plowed her on top of this coffee table before she squeezed her fat ass back into her size 12 jeans and went out to the Pig'N Whistle and banged my best friend (who she's now dating). Don't let the glass top fool you. It's 3/8" thick, can take a pounding and cleans up fast (personally I suggest 409's spermicidal-antibacterial all surface cleaner).

Dimensions: 50'' L X 28'' W X 16"H
Asking $50 or best offer. Would need to pick up from my place in the east village. Email me if you are interested.

  • it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests

Tuesday, April 21, 2009

YouTube Tuesday

I am splitting up my Intervention posts because they are just too depressing after a while. They aren't going away all together though. Instead you will get the best of that people have sent me in recent weeks. Enjoy it!

All I can think about is Barton and Brin...
(Thanks for sending this one in Erin)

This is an oldie but goodie. If this kid doesn't get therapy he will grow up to kill his mother.

Watching this has become a Christmas tradition in our family.

Monday, April 20, 2009

Monday Musings

I was in the process of writing this update last night during the storm before it knocked my internet out so enjoy it from that perspective...or don't.

Is anybody else fascinated with storms the way I am? I like a good summer storm but I really like watching the local news during a storm. These weathermen get so dramatic when they cut in to the broadcast to say that Carrollton is about to lose another trailer park. You know it's time to get down to business when Glenn Burns shows up on camera without a jacket and his sleeves rolled up. Almost like it's last call at the wedding reception and he needs one more for the road.

Carroll and Cherokee counties may as well be in Oklahoma
because they are under a tornado warning every few days.

Glenn Burns, David Chandley, Karen Minton and Brad Nitz from WSB (Channel 2) are top notch when it comes to using their "Storm Tracker 2 Radar." They throw around terms like "BTI Index", "revolving winds", "hooks and tails"... The system is nothing short of amazing with all the 3D effects and cities stored in it's database. I doubt many people have heard of "Good Hope" and "Swords" Georgia before but they exist in WSB's computer.

I am flipping around just to see what else is out there and stumbled across Ken Cook on Fox 5. He doesn't do anything for me but for some reason my buddy Harry "loves" him some Ken. I think it's the pencil thin mustache he sports or maybe his limp wrist.

Porn Star?

The rain is coming down harder now and the winds are picking up. I finally get to Dagmar Midcap on Channel 46. It's like she is talking only to me when she says to stay away from all windows, go to the lowest level of your building away from exterior walls. Of course as I write this I am on the 3rd floor looking out my window at the lightning and trees bending in the wind.

As an added bonus Dagmar usually does the weather dressed like this.

At this point my interweb was knocked out by the storm but I listened to Dagmar and retreated to an interior room where I took a shower and thought about getting struck by lightning. Maybe I did get struck by lightning because I had these random thoughts in my head while I was in there...

1 Am with no TV or Internet. I feel so cut off from the outside world. This had to be what the Indians felt like just before we showed up on their shores and slaughtered them. If I hear a knock on my door I will probably spontaneously scalp somebody.

The NBA Playoffs are sponsered by Popeye's this year. Who says stereotypes are dead?

What if the power goes out while I am in the shower? Even worse what if the power goes out and I don't have Air Conditioning all night? I may sweat to death in my sleep.

Is it even possible to literally sweat to death?

I hope Dagmar makes it through the storm...

I bet she doesn't even sweat. No, I bet she does...

Friday, April 17, 2009

Thatmandintcare Friday

You need your sound on for this but not too loud at work. This man just doesn't care anymore...

For people that have asked this is the definition of "Getting Rough."

Wednesday, April 15, 2009

Got Goat?

This one was sent in by two different people in two different towns. I would have said cities but if you are posting something like this you don't live in a city you live in a town. Thanks Allison and Danyelle.

I was accused of killing a neighbor's goat when I was younger.
Yes I lived in the city limits...I guess town limits from my previous statement.

Want to Borrow Goat, Llama, or Chicken (the office)

Reply to: [Errors when replying to ads?]
Date: 2009-03-31, 6:32PM EDT

This is going to sound extremely strange, but I would like to borrow (rent) a goat, llama, or possibly even a chicken or pig for a day. I was the victim of an extremely elaborate and well executed practical joke and need to return the favor to my boss. I promise the animal will not be harmed in any way, or mistreated. It must be people friendly though, house trained is definitely a plus, and should be used to small crowds. I would obviously prefer a llama due to the fact that walking in to find a llama in your office would just be surprising enough in itself. However, any other surprising animal would work. If the animal is small enough to be transported in a truck (pig? chicken? goat?), I'll pick it up and make sure it gets home safe. If it's too big, I'd be happy to compensate you for your time and for driving the animal to me. Thanks in advance.

  • Location: the office
  • it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests

PostingID: 1101285407

Let's dissect this beauty...

This is going to sound extremely strange,
You are correct with this first statement

but I would like to borrow (rent) a goat, llama, or possibly even a chicken or pig for a day
I'm pretty sure if you use the word "rent" then you can be charged with prostitution and possibly bestiality in certain states not named Alabama.

I was the victim of an extremely elaborate and well executed practical joke and need to return the favor to my boss.
Dude you are about to get fired. The boss can do things to you that you can't do back to him. You may want to rethink this.

I promise the animal will not be harmed in any way, or mistreated.
You are asking for a goat, chicken or pig. We eat these things so eventually they will be harmed.

It must be people friendly though, house trained is definitely a plus, and should be used to small crowds.
Raise your hand if you have a house trained goat, chicken, llama or pig? If you do please email me so I can interview you personally.

I would obviously prefer a llama due to the fact that walking in to find a llama in your office would just be surprising enough in itself.

However, any other surprising animal would work.
How about a bobcat? Would that scare the shit out of your boss or what? Maybe a Sea Horse or Giraffe? If I walked in to my office to see a Sea Horse typing away on my computer I would be shocked to say the least.

If the animal is small enough to be transported in a truck (pig? chicken? goat?), I'll pick it up and make sure it gets home safe.
It's like you are asking it out on a date and having the talk with her dad before she comes down stairs. I do commend you for that.

If it's too big, I'd be happy to compensate you for your time and for driving the animal to me.
That's what she said! (Sorry I couldn't help myself)

Thanks in advance.
No, thank you kind sir.


Sometimes no words are needed...

Tuesday, April 14, 2009

Intervention Tuesday

Everybody has days where they don't want to get out of bed but these people have weeks and months where they really don't...

Having a bad day? I suggest you check out
Intervention on A&E. Monday night at 8 and 9.

Tonight's first show was a double feature. I don't usually like the episodes when they cover two stories because it tells me the person isn't really as messed up as someone who gets a whole hour to themselves.

First up is Jenny who is (was) a "High End Hair Stylist." Now she is an overweight human pin cushion with bad hair. Why is it that a lot of hair stylists have bad hair? Is it because they can't cut their own head? Notice next time you get your hair cut.

Jenny enjoys long walks on the beach, eating healthy and shoving
dirty needles under her skin while a camera crew catches all the action.

My favorite part of Intervention is the follow up segment. It's about 50/50 if people will relapse or if they even complete rehab. What do you think happened to Jenny? Well she got kicked out of rehab after a month and ended up pregnant!

Whoever knocked her up needs an intervention too.

Next up is Mike who has a severe case of OCD. This guy washes his hands 60 times a day and will sit in one chair in his kitchen because he thinks the rest of the house is dirty. He's probably right but that dirt isn't going to hurt him as much as the hemorrhoids from sitting in that hard chair will. Mike is so messed up that he won't touch his children or grandchildren because he thinks he will contaminate them.

For some reason Mike stopped eating. I can understand washing your
hands 60 times a day better than I can understand not eating a piece of fried chicken.

One scene tonight showed Mike telling about his bowels messing up. He was afraid some of it had splashed on the floor and could no longer live in his home. I can't imagine a worse feeling than literally being being afraid of shit and having diarrhea. Good luck with that one!

I wonder how Mike would have reacted if he had walked in to my apartment back in 2002 on a Sunday afternoon? I think an instant stroke would be the correct answer. For starters Barton would be asleep on the couch in the same clothes he wore to Moondogs two nights before. Jon would be laying in the dinning room with his boots off and Twinkie wrappers surrounding him like a chalk outline. If that didn't get ole Mike then the somebody walking in the door with a sackful of Krystal burgers would definatley do it.

Mike got better in rehab and now has no problem touching his grandchildren.
...wait that didn't sound right.

Since the first show was a double feature tonight I will save the second episode for next week. Much like the recap portion of of Intervention I am excited to see what ads will pop up because of this topic. Yesterday's Clemson post brought advertising dealing with Police and Tattoos. Imagine that...(Ads to the right)

Monday, April 13, 2009

Monday Musings

Why is it I only think to go to Chic-fil-A on Sundays? So after settling for Popeye's instead who in their right mind ever orders regular chicken instead of spicy? Keeping with the theme here, why did The Zac Brown Band get nominated for best new artist this year if I have been listening to their music since 2003?

This would be perfect if not for the green on the plate

Special thanks to Brent B. for sending in this picture of Johnny Depp. I don't think Johnny has ever met a camera he didn't like.

21 Jumpsteet the Reunion

Clemson held their annual Spring Football game this weekend. Freshman Kyle Parker led his team to victory and most likely earned the starting QB job when football season rolls around. After completing 13-of-21 passes for 171 yards and 2 TD's he mosied on over to the baseball field where he went 3-for-7 with two home runs and 5 RBIs in a double header against #5 Miami.

Walk Softly and Carry a Big Stick

My only question is did he go for the "Trifecta" by hitting up Tiger Town Tavern later that night and taking home two Tiger Coeds? Go ahead and give him the Heisman if he drove them through Easley, SC and stopped for a beer along the way.

I bet at least one person gets some form of fried chicken today just because of the picture here...

(Now for your annoying reminder to click the ads on the right side of the page. Hell click them a few times just for kicks. God only knows what the ads will be for today.)

Saturday, April 11, 2009

A Real Live Address

You can now access this blog at

Rumor has it that if you click my sponsor's ads 3 times an Easter Bunny will appear on your doorstep.

Some of you need the Christian Counseling that is advertised anyway.

Friday, April 10, 2009

I see your Schwartz is as big as mine...

Today's winners of ThatManDintCare goes to Chris Rondeau and Adolf Stegbauer of Indianapolis, IN. (Adolf, I'm sure he never got picked on in school)

Indianapolis woman dies trying to stop sword fight

Associated Press 1:25 PM CDT, April 9, 2009

INDIANAPOLIS - A 77-year-old woman suffered a fatal stab wound while trying to break up a sword fight Thursday between her grandson and brother-in-law, police said.

An autopsy determined Franziska Stegbauer died after being stabbed with one of the swords, police Sgt. Matthew Mount said. Both men were hospitalized with stab wounds.

Investigators were working to find out which man's sword caused the fatal wound, Mount said.

"We're unsure yet who started this fight, how the swordplay got involved," Mount said. "We're not sure who it was who stabbed the woman. We'll have to do some testing on the swords and figure out who had which sword, whose blood is on which sword."

One of the weapons was a World War II-era Japanese officer's sword with a thin blade, and the other had a thicker blade, Mount said.

Police placed Stegbauer's grandson, 39-year-old Chris Rondeau, under arrest on a preliminary charge of attempted murder. Stegbauer's brother-in-law, 69-year-old Adolf Stegbauer, suffered several serious stab wounds, police said.

Franziska Stegbauer was not breathing when officers arrived about 1 a.m. at the home on the city's northwest side and she was later pronounced dead at a hospital, police said.

Adolf Stegbauer was listed in critical condition at Wishard Hospital, a spokesman said.

Rondeau also was taken with stab wounds to Wishard. Police said he was alert at the scene, but a condition update was not immediately available. He was being held in the hospital's detention unit

Field Reporter Beth Myers at our local Indiana affiliate will have a follow up report later.

Next week I will post the video of me levitating. You may want to check back for that one. Have a Good Friday (Ha!) and don't forget to support the blog by clicking the ads to the right.

Thursday, April 9, 2009

I just wanted my face pierced

I was cruising around Craigslist when I stumbled on to a section where people just give things away. Lots of desks and couches on there along with things you can really use.

Like this...

14G loop lip ring.. pink stones on each end. Never Used. (Gainesville, Ga.)

Date: 2009-04-07, 11:41AM EDT

Never Used.. too big for me. Come and get it :) To hard to take a pic of something that small...


  • Location: Gainesville, Ga.
Not sure how something can be too big and too small at the same time but I guess it's possible in Gainesville. I figured I would drop her an email just for fun...

(My Email to her)

Hi. If I come get this lip ring will you pierce my face for me?
I don't like blood or pain but I really want this. I can pay you in stamps if I need to.


(Her Reply - with signature)

#1, its a girl ring,
#2 you pierce with a 16g,
#3 this is not a joke im fond of,
#4 go somewhere proffessional.

P3AC3 L0V3 & HAPPIN3SS... from LUCKY... proud MOM of 3!

(My turn again)
Can I see your picture?

(Mother of 3)
#5 F*CK OFF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

P3AC3 L0V3 & HAPPIN3SS... from LUCKY... proud MOM of 3!

Don't be rough

Her kids are lucky...

Wednesday, April 8, 2009

New Format - Same Stoopidity

The New Phone Books are Here the New Phone Books are Here...

It's been a while since my last post as most of you have pointed out to me...over...and...over...repeatedly. (I guess that's a good thing) But now I'm back with a new format and more frequent updates. I know you won't believe me so you will just have to come back DAILY to see for yourself. Yes, DAILY...I don't believe that one myself.

Here's the catch...I ask that you do 2 things before you click away.

First tell a friend about the site. I don't care if they think it's funny or stupid or what. Just tell somebody and hopefully they will do the same. I know most of you have already done so and thanks for that.

Second click on the ads before you leave. You don't have to buy anything and these ads won't lead to viruses or downloads. If enough people click on the ads I will be able to buy beer which in turn leads to better blogs and shenanigans.

It literally takes 2 seconds and you can just close the page after you click the advertisement.

On to the new stuff.

  • Monday - Random Musings - If it pops in my head and seems absurd then it will go here.
  • Tuesday - Intervention Recap - If you don't watch this show on A&E then start now!
  • Wednesday - Scoops and Ups - Back by popular demand you will get your scoops fix here.
  • Thursday - Craigslist Hi Jinx - You will have to see it to understand.
  • Friday - ThatManDintcare - Dedicated to those people who just do not care.

Since it's Wednesday it's time for some Scoops and Ups! If you are new to the blog or just need a refresher on past Scoop articles you can find them here, here and here.

I want people to think I am David Beckham even though I am
standing in line for fast food and can't find a date to save my life.

Maybe this man just left his indoor soccer game? Nope...These Scoops are way to white to have ever been used in a real game. Plus there are no shin guards to be seen so this man is defiantly a poser. I think he is just practicing for retirement life in Boca...alone.
(Thanks to M. Finely for sending this in)

Be sure to leave your feedback in the comments section. If I like it I will post it and if I don't I will tell you were you can go...