Wednesday, July 8, 2009

Dirty Jobs..Atlanta Edition


Mike Rowe...I feel your pain

Have any of you seen the movie American Beauty? The opening scene has a voice over from Kevin Spacey that goes like this, "Look at me, jerking off in the shower - this will be the high point of my day. It's all downhill from here."

I know what that man means!

The following story takes place on July 1st, 2009 in Atlanta, Ga. I can only imagine Death Valley California and the surface of the sun being warmer places to work. I initially met with the company under the understanding this was a sales position for a linen company. I was assured it was a good gig and not as "gay" as it sounded. By linens we are talking about napkins, table clothes, chef coats, etc, for restaurants and hotels. Not doilies that Robby and Harry buy to decorate their cottage.

After three interviews with the company I was hired but the sales job had now turned in to a management position after they realized I have experience working with "ethnic groups" in the construction world. Look at me! I've already been promoted! The phrase,"Check out the big brain on Brad!", from Pulp Fiction kept going through my head for some reason.

So I leave my apartment around 7:50 in the morning and roll in to work just after 8:30. A 40 minute commute to start the morning is what I always dreamed about when I was a little boy.

I get to the office and the lights are off in the main room but I see my boss Regina in her office just off to the side. It looks like she has just woken up and she informs me that one of the drivers called in sick and this is going to make the whole day hectic. I think how bad can it be? Surely a driver has called in sick to work before. This isn't a start up business and there should be a procedure for cases like this.

The main problem is some items have to get to Turner Field before noon and they have nobody to take them. They call their back up driver a few times, Julio, but he will not answer his phone. I get the feeling he knows why they are calling him. When they finally get in touch with him he agrees to come in but it sounds like he has just woken up and isn't pleased. While waiting for Julio to arrive they give me a lilttle background on him. Julio use to be a full time driver for them but he doesn't have his license anymore. They don't really seem to care about that little detail and still send him out on the road whenever they need to. The problem is you need a picture ID to get in to Turner Field for deliveries. I guess they think somebody wants to kidnap Chipper Jones, I don't know. Regina tells me that I need to ride with Julio down to the stadium and make one more stop then come back.

It's funny all the places I went had something to do with my past. It's like they were filming a reality show based on the movie "Scrooged" and I was costarring with Ghost of Christmas Past. To quote a friend of mine, "This shit just writes itself."


Me and Julio Down by the School Yard


So we load the truck up with a few things then take off to Buckhead. When Julio gets in the truck he says a few Hail Mary's then puts his seat belt on. He turns the radio on with the station preset to Viva 105.3 or whatever the Mexican station is. Riding down the road I notice there are two Mexican songs playing but I'm not sure why. After a few seconds I figure that he has a Mexican ringer on his phone that is going off. I make a Dunaway joke to myself and laugh. "Vamanos!"


The first stop is at The Mansion and it's at the location of the old Art Institute of Atlanta which is the reason I am in Atlanta in the first place. I didn't think anything of it at the time but God must have been chuckling about it all and the day he had in store for me. We make the stop, drop off the linens and pick up the dirty ones. It's a relatively new place with an underground loading area and things are clean and easy to maneuver. We go to leave and Julio tells me I have to drive the truck. This is a 30 foot box truck the likes of which I have never driven or wanted to drive before and he expects me to drive in Downtown Atlanta like I am on a back road in Madison. I can't imagine why he doesn't have his license anymore. I realize people drive larger trucks every day right through Atlanta and also Doctors can look at the guts of a dying person laying on a table. They were born for that and I don't claim to be either.

For some reason Julio thinks they have hired me as a driver and that I have done this kind of thing before. I didn't have the heart to tell him they are training me to be his boss and I was also scared he may pull a blade on me. Julio keeps driving and we get to Turner field where he talks his way in some how without an ID. The Braves security staff is about as top notch as their 3rd Basemen it seems. We have to deliver things to the 755 Club but we are parked on the other side of the stadium. We only have one cart to take up and Julio takes it so I'm just walking enjoying the view figuring I would run in to Brian McCann eating a hot dog or snow cone.

We get up to the 755 Club and I make a comment that I hadn't been in there since I dated a girl who worked there during college. Then we go back to the kitchen to drop off napkins and pick up the dirty ones. This was my first dry heave of the day when I see the pile of 2 week old napkins with flies all over them right in the kitchen. If you know me you know I have a weak stomach that is second only to Robby's. Actually it wasn't so much seeing the flies that did it but when I had to pick up the bags of dirty napkins with flies on them is when I started gagging. We had to make several trips across the stadium to get everything and of course my cart had a gimp wheel which made it twice as hard to push.

By this time it's 11:45 and I'm thinking the day is half over and this isn't so bad. Julio is rough because he was called in to work on his day off and tells me that we have to run the normal route when we get back to the office. We get back and unload then reload about 9 carts then take off again. Julio is in a bad mood and tells me we probably won't be done until 9 pm but I figured he was just joking. Silly me. He says we are stopping at QT which is music to my ears and I forget about the flies and dry heaves for a minute and get 2 taquitos, a 32 oz tea and a donut. Total cost $3.51. Life is good once again!

We head back to Buckhead and I am wanting a nap by the time I finish the last of the donut. I forget where we went to on the next few stops but I was sweating and gagging at each of them some worse than the others. I remember I got a refill on my 32 oz drink at two of the stops though. Total fluid intake for the day is 96 oz and I don't have to use the bathroom yet.

Seems some of these restaurants keep their dirty linens outside in the heat and rain so bugs can get in them and eat the 2 week old food. We go to one place, Eclipse de Luna right off Piedmont and right beside Atlanta kick. I've gone out with two girls who work for Atlanta Kick and figured I would run in to them with the way my day has been going but luckily I didn't. This is the place I lost part of my lunch because the bugs and stench were so bad. The best way to describe the smell is that of rotting fish and old peaches. Julio actually laughed at me and told me just to hold the cart while he threw the stuff in it. Of course some of it got on me and I gagged more...

Somewhere around this time is when Julio lights up his first cigarette and asks if it bothers me. I of course lie and tell him I'm fine with it but decline his offer to smoke one with him although it is tempting after the day I've had so far.

We keep going up Piedmont until we are sitting at a red light with the Gold Spa on my right. I had just read online that a security guard just got shot and killed there over the weekend but they are still open for business. I consider that guy to be luckier than me at the moment.

The next stop is Ansley Golf Club right by the pool where we park in a no parking zone. (I took a picture of this) I think this is the point I sent out an email that simply said, "Shit." I had met this cougar a while back who is a member there and has invited me to the pool countless times but I never took her up on the offer. There was no doubt in my mind that I was going to run in to her since the last time I had spoken to her she referred to me as "Asshole."

Julio said since he didn't have a license he didn't have to obey parking signs.


This is also the first place of the day where the manager who has to sign the packing list gets rough. He complains that we are late and then doesn't believe that we have brought everything on the packing list because the other guy never does. Of course we have already stored everything in the closet and mixed it with the linens they already had. I got the idea that this manager was talking to Julio like he was only because Julio is Mexican. Luckily Julio is like Rain Man when it comes to linens and remembers exactly how many linens we had brought in and where we put it. It was 2 carts full and probably 200 items.

We leave there after pushing the carts full of dirty linen up a hill that can best be described as the hill that Douglass Phelps grandmother use to live on in Madison. Harry and Robby can tell you that is the steepest hill in Madison and the most fun when it snows. On the way up the hill I repositioned myself behind one of the carts trying not be seen by the Cougar. It's like God is playing Frogger with my soul at this point.

The next stop is Willy's in Midtown and there are nothing but gay people sitting around drinking and eating tacos. It's like I was getting violated with their eyes as soon as I stepped out of the truck but I put my sunglasses on tried to make the most of it. I even got a cat call from group of black dudes. (This reminds me, who wants to go see Bruno with me? I have free tickets.)

The next couple of stops were all about the same with me sweating a lot more and getting more discouraged by the stop. I guess I should point out that I was told to wear jeans and Julio was wearing shorts. I had a pair of gloves that are cotton with red latex on the palms so that you can grip things better. These gloves also keep the sweat and funk inside the gloves and Julio didn't take his off all day. I just gagged again thinking about that again. I would take mine off at each stop and try to air them out on the dash board so that my fingers didn't look like prunes. The fire from Julio's cigarette must have dried his out through out the day.

OJ Simpson's gloves

I guess around 5:30 pm Julio says we only have 4 more stops and they should be quick. He says this as we are sitting still on 75/85 and I wonder if he sees the irony in that statement. We are on the road where a parking deck collapsed a few days earlier and traffic is all backed up but I can see the Cheetah right in front of us. I am praying that Julio has been holding out on me and that we are going there to make a delivery as a surprise to me. Surely the producers of my fake reality show aren't this cruel?

Instead we go to this place in midtown and change out their mats but the ones we brought to change are different than the ones we are picking up. This makes the owner/manager/whore/bitch angry and she says she is going to call somebody about it. Be my guest lady! This was one of those trendy places and she was coked out of her mind and thought she was a lot hotter than she actually was. Her little helpers who remind me of the flying monkeys from the Wizard of Oz got rough because we were late and wanted to know why? My first day on the job and I am taking heat from an assistant to the assistant of some over priced trendy establishment for somebody else's mistakes. AWESOME!

We make the rest of the stops and only one other Owner gets rough about us being late. In fairness to him he wasn't too bad and by this point it's around 6:30 pm and people are there for happy hour so I can see why he would need his stuff.

We head back to the office up I-85 which was to my surprise moving at a decent pace and get back just in time to unload the trucks. I figure we would just roll the 9 full carts off the truck and let somebody else deal with it. Wrong! This was the worst part of the day and it came at the end of it which makes it even worse. We had to unload the carts from the truck then unload each bag by hand in to a pile. I can't do it justice by talking about these bags without you seeing and smelling them for yourself. Some are cloth bags, some are garbage bags and some are just loose napkins. But imagine these things weighing between 40-70 pounds depending on how wet they are and how much shit is in them. Then having to bend over in to the 5 foot bins to pick them out.

The bags that were tied and heavy were nothing compared to the busted bags that smelled like dead animals and rotting fruit. I really have no desire to eat at any of these places I went to now that I have seen their kitchens. For the next few days I will only eat at places that have paper napkins or serve food in a bag out of a window.

As we are tossing the bags Regina walks out laughing asking how it went and they figured I would quit. They say that the first day is always the hardest which goes against everything job/first day of school I have ever been associated with. They ask me what I think and all I could say is that I will sleep well. Then they ask what size shirt I wear and I tell them XL knowing that I would never put one of those shirts on in my life.

I finally head home around 8 pm I guess a full 12 hours from when I had left my house that morning. I wasn't hungry at all and the thought of food made me sick to my stomach but I pulled in to the one place that serves me comfort food...Taco Bell. To make all the bad thoughts go away I ordered 3 crunchy tacos, 3 soft tacos and a large sweat tea. I had 2 Teas just waiting for my food and drank 3 total.

I did the math and figured I had 172 oz of fluid during the day which comes to roughly 11 pounds not including the tacos, toquitos and donut. When I woke up yesterday I weighed 241 pounds and when I got home after eating and drinking all that I weighed 234 pounds.

I can safely say that was the 3rd best shower I have ever taken in my life. The Best was after the Home Run Derby during the All Star game where we walked a few miles after standing in the rain all night. I also had a serious case of stomach cramps after eating an ungodly amount of hot dogs and buffalo wings to go along the worst chaffing that I have ever had. The second best shower was after hooking up with a girl who scared me to death and I scrubbed myself for a good 30 minutes like I had battery acid all over me. I survived the first two so I knew I would be ok after this day.

I've worked in water tanks at the lower tip of Texas in August in 120 degree heat, I've driven a bulldozer in the woods and run over hornet nests and I've helped empty septic tanks in the summer but none of those jobs were as bad as this. Well the septic tank deal was bad but it only lasted an hour.

Originally this was a sales job but when they saw that I have management experience with Mexicans they wanted to use me for that. It's just not something I want to do and I would rather be poor than miserable every day of my life.

I emailed Regina the following morning and told her I wouldn't be back. She responded by saying she "totally understands" and hopes to run in to me in the future.

God only knows where...

*Please note this is the PG version of the story. For a full uncensored version of the story please check out my book coming out in the Fall of 2010.

Wednesday, May 6, 2009

A lot of people must be watching the NBA

Because Popeye's is sponsering the NBA Playoffs this year more and more people are after that spicy chicken.  


Rough

Thursday, April 30, 2009

Sold On...........Not Sold On

Random things that I am "Sold On" and "Not Sold On"


Sold on:People telling me they like my blog.
Not Sold On:People bitching when I don't update it daily.

Sold on:
Raisinets
Not Sold On:Drinking too much while eating Raisinets and not knowing if you spilled them in your seat or if you have shat yourself.

Sold on:Needing to call the doctor because you have "Hawks Fever"
Not Sold On:Needing to call the doctor because you have "Swine Flu"

Sold on:Getting a new neighbor
Not Sold On:My new neighbor being a dude.

Sold on:Updating my blog while sitting by the pool.
Not Sold On:Having an asshole tell me I need to purchase a membership in order to use the internet account at the pool.

Sold on:Continuing to update my blog while that asshole looks at me.
Not Sold On:My laptop battery dying and that asshole thinking he ran me off.

Sold on:Eating Taco Bell 3 times a week.
Not Sold On:My heart exploding.

Sold on:Single women with dogs.
Not Sold On:Katie getting rough.

Sold on:Drinking beer in the pool.
Not Sold On:Stepping on a shard of glass from a broken beer bottle at the pool.

Sold on:Joe Biden entertaining me with his comments.
Not Sold On:The Secret Service taking a bullet for Joe Biden one day.

Sold on:The Millionaire Matchmaker Club on Bravo
Not Sold On:The host not being a man dressed in drag.

Sold on:Pizza
Not Sold On:Uhhh...yeah there is nothing bad about pizza.

Sold on:Conan O'Brien
Not Sold On:Jimmy Fallon

Sold on:"Rachel"
Not Sold On:"Pam"

Thursday, April 23, 2009

Samantha Haberkorn Coffee Table

I'm giving this weeks "ThatManDintCare" Award to this Craigslist author. He pretty much sums up his feeling with his own comments.

Samantha Haberkorn Coffee Table - $50 (East Village)


Reply to: sale-fm5up-1134590710@craigslist.org [Errors when replying to ads?]
Date: 2009-04-22, 11:46AM EDT


With those cold depressing days of winter behind us, if you can't frolic through the wildflower fields of Southern California, then what better way welcome the warm weather than sprucing up your boring apartment with a little spring decorating.

Hurry now because this original Samantha Haberkorn coffee table won't last long. What? You've never heard of the Samatha Haberkorn collection? Maybe that's because you've never been to a brothel or visited enough public bathroom stalls where you surely would have seen her name etched on the wall. Samantha Haberkorn is my ex-girlfriend and two weeks ago I plowed her on top of this coffee table before she squeezed her fat ass back into her size 12 jeans and went out to the Pig'N Whistle and banged my best friend (who she's now dating). Don't let the glass top fool you. It's 3/8" thick, can take a pounding and cleans up fast (personally I suggest 409's spermicidal-antibacterial all surface cleaner).

Dimensions: 50'' L X 28'' W X 16"H
Asking $50 or best offer. Would need to pick up from my place in the east village. Email me if you are interested.

  • it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests




Tuesday, April 21, 2009

YouTube Tuesday

I am splitting up my Intervention posts because they are just too depressing after a while. They aren't going away all together though. Instead you will get the best of Youtube.com that people have sent me in recent weeks. Enjoy it!


All I can think about is Barton and Brin...
(Thanks for sending this one in Erin)


This is an oldie but goodie. If this kid doesn't get therapy he will grow up to kill his mother.


Watching this has become a Christmas tradition in our family.

Monday, April 20, 2009

Monday Musings

I was in the process of writing this update last night during the storm before it knocked my internet out so enjoy it from that perspective...or don't.

Is anybody else fascinated with storms the way I am? I like a good summer storm but I really like watching the local news during a storm. These weathermen get so dramatic when they cut in to the broadcast to say that Carrollton is about to lose another trailer park. You know it's time to get down to business when Glenn Burns shows up on camera without a jacket and his sleeves rolled up. Almost like it's last call at the wedding reception and he needs one more for the road.

Carroll and Cherokee counties may as well be in Oklahoma
because they are under a tornado warning every few days.



Glenn Burns, David Chandley, Karen Minton and Brad Nitz from WSB (Channel 2) are top notch when it comes to using their "Storm Tracker 2 Radar." They throw around terms like "BTI Index", "revolving winds", "hooks and tails"... The system is nothing short of amazing with all the 3D effects and cities stored in it's database. I doubt many people have heard of "Good Hope" and "Swords" Georgia before but they exist in WSB's computer.

I am flipping around just to see what else is out there and stumbled across Ken Cook on Fox 5. He doesn't do anything for me but for some reason my buddy Harry "loves" him some Ken. I think it's the pencil thin mustache he sports or maybe his limp wrist.

Porn Star?

The rain is coming down harder now and the winds are picking up. I finally get to Dagmar Midcap on Channel 46. It's like she is talking only to me when she says to stay away from all windows, go to the lowest level of your building away from exterior walls. Of course as I write this I am on the 3rd floor looking out my window at the lightning and trees bending in the wind.

As an added bonus Dagmar usually does the weather dressed like this.


At this point my interweb was knocked out by the storm but I listened to Dagmar and retreated to an interior room where I took a shower and thought about getting struck by lightning. Maybe I did get struck by lightning because I had these random thoughts in my head while I was in there...

1 Am with no TV or Internet. I feel so cut off from the outside world. This had to be what the Indians felt like just before we showed up on their shores and slaughtered them. If I hear a knock on my door I will probably spontaneously scalp somebody.

The NBA Playoffs are sponsered by Popeye's this year. Who says stereotypes are dead?

What if the power goes out while I am in the shower? Even worse what if the power goes out and I don't have Air Conditioning all night? I may sweat to death in my sleep.

Is it even possible to literally sweat to death?

I hope Dagmar makes it through the storm...

I bet she doesn't even sweat. No, I bet she does...



Friday, April 17, 2009

Thatmandintcare Friday

You need your sound on for this but not too loud at work. This man just doesn't care anymore...

For people that have asked this is the definition of "Getting Rough."


Wednesday, April 15, 2009

Got Goat?

This one was sent in by two different people in two different towns. I would have said cities but if you are posting something like this you don't live in a city you live in a town. Thanks Allison and Danyelle.

I was accused of killing a neighbor's goat when I was younger.
Yes I lived in the city limits...I guess town limits from my previous statement.

Want to Borrow Goat, Llama, or Chicken (the office)


Reply to: sale-vfx4b-1101285407@craigslist.org [Errors when replying to ads?]
Date: 2009-03-31, 6:32PM EDT


This is going to sound extremely strange, but I would like to borrow (rent) a goat, llama, or possibly even a chicken or pig for a day. I was the victim of an extremely elaborate and well executed practical joke and need to return the favor to my boss. I promise the animal will not be harmed in any way, or mistreated. It must be people friendly though, house trained is definitely a plus, and should be used to small crowds. I would obviously prefer a llama due to the fact that walking in to find a llama in your office would just be surprising enough in itself. However, any other surprising animal would work. If the animal is small enough to be transported in a truck (pig? chicken? goat?), I'll pick it up and make sure it gets home safe. If it's too big, I'd be happy to compensate you for your time and for driving the animal to me. Thanks in advance.

  • Location: the office
  • it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests




PostingID: 1101285407

Let's dissect this beauty...


This is going to sound extremely strange,
You are correct with this first statement
.

but I would like to borrow (rent) a goat, llama, or possibly even a chicken or pig for a day
I'm pretty sure if you use the word "rent" then you can be charged with prostitution and possibly bestiality in certain states not named Alabama.

I was the victim of an extremely elaborate and well executed practical joke and need to return the favor to my boss.
Dude you are about to get fired. The boss can do things to you that you can't do back to him. You may want to rethink this.

I promise the animal will not be harmed in any way, or mistreated.
You are asking for a goat, chicken or pig. We eat these things so eventually they will be harmed.

It must be people friendly though, house trained is definitely a plus, and should be used to small crowds.
Raise your hand if you have a house trained goat, chicken, llama or pig? If you do please email me so I can interview you personally.

I would obviously prefer a llama due to the fact that walking in to find a llama in your office would just be surprising enough in itself.
Yes...Obviously

However, any other surprising animal would work.
How about a bobcat? Would that scare the shit out of your boss or what? Maybe a Sea Horse or Giraffe? If I walked in to my office to see a Sea Horse typing away on my computer I would be shocked to say the least.

If the animal is small enough to be transported in a truck (pig? chicken? goat?), I'll pick it up and make sure it gets home safe.
It's like you are asking it out on a date and having the talk with her dad before she comes down stairs. I do commend you for that.

If it's too big, I'd be happy to compensate you for your time and for driving the animal to me.
That's what she said! (Sorry I couldn't help myself)

Thanks in advance.
No, thank you kind sir.

Enjoy

Sometimes no words are needed...

Tuesday, April 14, 2009

Intervention Tuesday

Everybody has days where they don't want to get out of bed but these people have weeks and months where they really don't...

Having a bad day? I suggest you check out
Intervention on A&E. Monday night at 8 and 9.


Tonight's first show was a double feature. I don't usually like the episodes when they cover two stories because it tells me the person isn't really as messed up as someone who gets a whole hour to themselves.

First up is Jenny who is (was) a "High End Hair Stylist." Now she is an overweight human pin cushion with bad hair. Why is it that a lot of hair stylists have bad hair? Is it because they can't cut their own head? Notice next time you get your hair cut.

Jenny enjoys long walks on the beach, eating healthy and shoving
dirty needles under her skin while a camera crew catches all the action.



My favorite part of Intervention is the follow up segment. It's about 50/50 if people will relapse or if they even complete rehab. What do you think happened to Jenny? Well she got kicked out of rehab after a month and ended up pregnant!

Whoever knocked her up needs an intervention too.

Next up is Mike who has a severe case of OCD. This guy washes his hands 60 times a day and will sit in one chair in his kitchen because he thinks the rest of the house is dirty. He's probably right but that dirt isn't going to hurt him as much as the hemorrhoids from sitting in that hard chair will. Mike is so messed up that he won't touch his children or grandchildren because he thinks he will contaminate them.


For some reason Mike stopped eating. I can understand washing your
hands 60 times a day better than I can understand not eating a piece of fried chicken.



One scene tonight showed Mike telling about his bowels messing up. He was afraid some of it had splashed on the floor and could no longer live in his home. I can't imagine a worse feeling than literally being being afraid of shit and having diarrhea. Good luck with that one!

I wonder how Mike would have reacted if he had walked in to my apartment back in 2002 on a Sunday afternoon? I think an instant stroke would be the correct answer. For starters Barton would be asleep on the couch in the same clothes he wore to Moondogs two nights before. Jon would be laying in the dinning room with his boots off and Twinkie wrappers surrounding him like a chalk outline. If that didn't get ole Mike then the somebody walking in the door with a sackful of Krystal burgers would definatley do it.


Mike got better in rehab and now has no problem touching his grandchildren.
...wait that didn't sound right.


Since the first show was a double feature tonight I will save the second episode for next week. Much like the recap portion of of Intervention I am excited to see what ads will pop up because of this topic. Yesterday's Clemson post brought advertising dealing with Police and Tattoos. Imagine that...(Ads to the right)


Monday, April 13, 2009

Monday Musings

Why is it I only think to go to Chic-fil-A on Sundays? So after settling for Popeye's instead who in their right mind ever orders regular chicken instead of spicy? Keeping with the theme here, why did The Zac Brown Band get nominated for best new artist this year if I have been listening to their music since 2003?

This would be perfect if not for the green on the plate


Special thanks to Brent B. for sending in this picture of Johnny Depp. I don't think Johnny has ever met a camera he didn't like.

21 Jumpsteet the Reunion


Clemson held their annual Spring Football game this weekend. Freshman Kyle Parker led his team to victory and most likely earned the starting QB job when football season rolls around. After completing 13-of-21 passes for 171 yards and 2 TD's he mosied on over to the baseball field where he went 3-for-7 with two home runs and 5 RBIs in a double header against #5 Miami.

Walk Softly and Carry a Big Stick

My only question is did he go for the "Trifecta" by hitting up Tiger Town Tavern later that night and taking home two Tiger Coeds? Go ahead and give him the Heisman if he drove them through Easley, SC and stopped for a beer along the way.

I bet at least one person gets some form of fried chicken today just because of the picture here...

(Now for your annoying reminder to click the ads on the right side of the page. Hell click them a few times just for kicks. God only knows what the ads will be for today.)


Saturday, April 11, 2009

A Real Live Address

You can now access this blog at DontBeRough.com

Rumor has it that if you click my sponsor's ads 3 times an Easter Bunny will appear on your doorstep.

Some of you need the Christian Counseling that is advertised anyway.

Friday, April 10, 2009

I see your Schwartz is as big as mine...

Today's winners of ThatManDintCare goes to Chris Rondeau and Adolf Stegbauer of Indianapolis, IN. (Adolf, I'm sure he never got picked on in school)

Indianapolis woman dies trying to stop sword fight

Associated Press 1:25 PM CDT, April 9, 2009

INDIANAPOLIS - A 77-year-old woman suffered a fatal stab wound while trying to break up a sword fight Thursday between her grandson and brother-in-law, police said.

An autopsy determined Franziska Stegbauer died after being stabbed with one of the swords, police Sgt. Matthew Mount said. Both men were hospitalized with stab wounds.

Investigators were working to find out which man's sword caused the fatal wound, Mount said.

"We're unsure yet who started this fight, how the swordplay got involved," Mount said. "We're not sure who it was who stabbed the woman. We'll have to do some testing on the swords and figure out who had which sword, whose blood is on which sword."

One of the weapons was a World War II-era Japanese officer's sword with a thin blade, and the other had a thicker blade, Mount said.

Police placed Stegbauer's grandson, 39-year-old Chris Rondeau, under arrest on a preliminary charge of attempted murder. Stegbauer's brother-in-law, 69-year-old Adolf Stegbauer, suffered several serious stab wounds, police said.

Franziska Stegbauer was not breathing when officers arrived about 1 a.m. at the home on the city's northwest side and she was later pronounced dead at a hospital, police said.

Adolf Stegbauer was listed in critical condition at Wishard Hospital, a spokesman said.

Rondeau also was taken with stab wounds to Wishard. Police said he was alert at the scene, but a condition update was not immediately available. He was being held in the hospital's detention unit

Field Reporter Beth Myers at our local Indiana affiliate will have a follow up report later.


Next week I will post the video of me levitating. You may want to check back for that one. Have a Good Friday (Ha!) and don't forget to support the blog by clicking the ads to the right.

Thursday, April 9, 2009

I just wanted my face pierced

I was cruising around Craigslist when I stumbled on to a section where people just give things away. Lots of desks and couches on there along with things you can really use.

Like this...

14G loop lip ring.. pink stones on each end. Never Used. (Gainesville, Ga.)


Date: 2009-04-07, 11:41AM EDT


Never Used.. too big for me. Come and get it :) To hard to take a pic of something that small...

I CANNOT MAIL IT TO YOU! I WRITE MY HUSBAND SEVERAL TIMES WEEKLY, AND CANNOT AFFORD TO USE NOT EVEN 1 OTHER STAMP BESIDES HIM AND BILLS, I KNOW IT SOUNDS SILLY, BUT IF YOU WANT THIS 20 DOLLAR LIP RING FOR FREE.. COME GET IT. THANKS :)

  • Location: Gainesville, Ga.
Not sure how something can be too big and too small at the same time but I guess it's possible in Gainesville. I figured I would drop her an email just for fun...

(My Email to her)

Hi. If I come get this lip ring will you pierce my face for me?
I don't like blood or pain but I really want this. I can pay you in stamps if I need to.

Thanks


(Her Reply - with signature)

#1, its a girl ring,
#2 you pierce with a 16g,
#3 this is not a joke im fond of,
#4 go somewhere proffessional.


P3AC3 L0V3 & HAPPIN3SS... from LUCKY... proud MOM of 3!

(My turn again)
Can I see your picture?


(Mother of 3)
#5 F*CK OFF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

P3AC3 L0V3 & HAPPIN3SS... from LUCKY... proud MOM of 3!

(Me)
Don't be rough


Her kids are lucky...

Wednesday, April 8, 2009

New Format - Same Stoopidity

The New Phone Books are Here the New Phone Books are Here...

It's been a while since my last post as most of you have pointed out to me...over...and...over...repeatedly. (I guess that's a good thing) But now I'm back with a new format and more frequent updates. I know you won't believe me so you will just have to come back DAILY to see for yourself. Yes, DAILY...I don't believe that one myself.

Here's the catch...I ask that you do 2 things before you click away.

First tell a friend about the site. I don't care if they think it's funny or stupid or what. Just tell somebody and hopefully they will do the same. I know most of you have already done so and thanks for that.

Second click on the ads before you leave. You don't have to buy anything and these ads won't lead to viruses or downloads. If enough people click on the ads I will be able to buy beer which in turn leads to better blogs and shenanigans.

It literally takes 2 seconds and you can just close the page after you click the advertisement.


On to the new stuff.

  • Monday - Random Musings - If it pops in my head and seems absurd then it will go here.
  • Tuesday - Intervention Recap - If you don't watch this show on A&E then start now!
  • Wednesday - Scoops and Ups - Back by popular demand you will get your scoops fix here.
  • Thursday - Craigslist Hi Jinx - You will have to see it to understand.
  • Friday - ThatManDintcare - Dedicated to those people who just do not care.

Since it's Wednesday it's time for some Scoops and Ups! If you are new to the blog or just need a refresher on past Scoop articles you can find them here, here and here.

I want people to think I am David Beckham even though I am
standing in line for fast food and can't find a date to save my life.

Maybe this man just left his indoor soccer game? Nope...These Scoops are way to white to have ever been used in a real game. Plus there are no shin guards to be seen so this man is defiantly a poser. I think he is just practicing for retirement life in Boca...alone.
(Thanks to M. Finely for sending this in)

Be sure to leave your feedback in the comments section. If I like it I will post it and if I don't I will tell you were you can go...

Friday, February 13, 2009

Happy VD-Day

Some of my friends have a blog dedicated to fashion. It's here if you really want to see it.

Anyway they asked me to make an "outfit" and play along then they got so rough at the things I picked out. I thought I did a good job matching colors and accessories?

Night out with Josh
Night out with Josh - by fabiozobel on Polyvore.com

Good news is my friend Lauren has volunteered to wear this and pictures will be up soon.
(Even if I have to photoshop them)

ps- I'll be back to updating my blog more frequently. Enough of you have bitched at me so I'm back. Also my blog is a year old tomorrow.

Damn that's rough...