Wednesday, December 17, 2008

Ideas to help out this Christmas in a troubled economy

You Won't Shoot Your Eye Out but Somebody Else May...

Times are tough for some people in this economy so I thought
I would put together a few tips to help out this Christmas season.

5) Name a Star after somebody.

See that star way up there?
That's yours...I bought it for you for Christmas.

I wish I had thought of this company a long time ago.

How great is this? You pay a company money and they claim to name a star for you. I may open a website where you can name shirts in my closet after people in your family for only $19.95.

Don't have $19.95?

Well for only $14.95 you can be named after one of my forks, knives or spoons! I'll even take a picture of it and send it to you. But get this! Even though you won't actually own the shirt or utensils you will actually be closer to my items than you will ever be to these stars. It's a hell of a deal I think.

Back to the Star Names...

You don't actually have to pay that company money. Just open up a word document and write something that looks official. If the kid is under 5 years old or went to the University of Georgia they will probably fall for it. Tell them you paid extra to buy the star closest to the "Herschel Walker Star" and they will love you even more.

4) Buy something the person will always need.

Two things you can never buy generic...
Oreos and Toilet Paper.

People always will need toilet paper. ALWAYS. My Aunt Annie was way ahead of her time and if she was still alive today she surely would be a guest columnist on this blog. More than a few Christmas mornings we had huge gifts under the tree. How fun it was to to be 6 years old and open them up only to find a 24 roll package of Angel Soft toilet paper. It took some time to understand the method to her madness but let yourself get caught in a situation where you look over and all you see is a cardboard tube where the toilet paper is suppose to be and you will wish you had an Aunt Annie too.

3) Get rid of some friends

You don't have to get rid of them all
but the girl in the purple is of no use to me.

You may have a lot of friends and if you do this will take some time. But sit down and make a list of them all. Not a list on who will be there for you in a time of need or who you can count on for anything. No, make your list based on who you think will give you the nicest gifts this Christmas. You need to have a couple of sub-categories for this list. People who will most likely give you gifts that you can exchange for cash or a better gift need to stay on the list as well as people who know too much about your past. Feel free to shuffle this list up for your birthday too.

**Becky, Erin and didn't make the cut. Sorry girls but I will reevaluate this in 2009.

Katie, Harry and Robby you guys are safe. You know too much about me and will probably get a star named after you this year.

**(Edit-After catching so much flack from certain people I am keeping Becky, Erin and Ashley as friends this year and adding Carrie as well. Ya'll Got Rough!)

2) Regifting

You know how great that will look on you!?

This is the perfect way to kill two birds with one stone. You get rid of something that is taking up space at your home while striking another name off your list.

Check this out. I bought this just so I can reseal my old DVD's to give as gifts to people. You pay $49.95 for this and you can seal up all the DVD's you want or you can spend the same amount of money and buy yourself two and a half Stars. I think the choice is pretty obvious.

When you are done with the vacuum sealer you can give it as a gift as well.

Do yourself a favor and check the box before you give a regift. It would be awful to give a gift and accidently leave the name card in the box from the previous gifter. This may or may not have happened to people in my family before.

1) Send Christmas Cards for Free

Elvis Had it Right.

It's going to cost you for the Christmas Cards of course but you don't have to pay a dime for postage. It's pretty simple and the guys at the post office won't catch on for years so this should work for a while. All you have to do is send out your Christmas Cards as usual but instead of putting the correct address on the card you put a fake address. For the return address you write in the destination you want the card to go.


Who has two thumbs and a tongue that doesn't taste like stamps? This guy that's who. You never have to lick another Christmas stamp again.

The Post Master will think he is getting the last laugh when he sends your cards back to you except they will go exactly where you want them to end up.

If the Three Wisemen could find their way to a baby in a manger using only camels and a star I am sure this will work as well.

Have a good Christmas and send this to your friends.


Katie said...

This was your best post EVER!

Glad to hear that I made the cut and that I will be getting a star. You are way too generous

Rebecca said...

I didn't make your friends list? So rough! I did however receive a star from my high school boyfriend (aka Christian Rock Star) one year. Wait, does this mean I won't be getting my monthly "Please be my friend" check from you? I did notice how that check always comes in the mail with my address as the sender's. Hmm...

Erin said...

Becky, how did we not make the cut? What is going on? And then Josh calls me a B.O.D.? WTF?

Katie said...

Erin, B.O.D. is like the worst insult ever! I can't believe Josh called you that.

I guess he heard that you had already cut him off your friend list. Nice attempt at retaliation, Josh.

Team Thompson said...

That return to sender is pure gold.

Glad I made the would always be above my cut list because blackmail is a helluva drug.

Robby said...

Glad to see I made the cut based on blackmail reasons. I like the idea about the toilet paper. Next time I'm taking care of business in the bathroom, I'll think about you.

Carrie said...

Becky and Erin - I guess I'm worse off than you two! I didn't even make the cut for the message letting you know you didn't make the cut!

ashkindred said...

good post though.

Josh said...

People got so rough today!