Wednesday, December 17, 2008

Ideas to help out this Christmas in a troubled economy

You Won't Shoot Your Eye Out but Somebody Else May...

Times are tough for some people in this economy so I thought
I would put together a few tips to help out this Christmas season.

5) Name a Star after somebody.

See that star way up there?
That's yours...I bought it for you for Christmas.

I wish I had thought of this company a long time ago.

How great is this? You pay a company money and they claim to name a star for you. I may open a website where you can name shirts in my closet after people in your family for only $19.95.

Don't have $19.95?

Well for only $14.95 you can be named after one of my forks, knives or spoons! I'll even take a picture of it and send it to you. But get this! Even though you won't actually own the shirt or utensils you will actually be closer to my items than you will ever be to these stars. It's a hell of a deal I think.

Back to the Star Names...

You don't actually have to pay that company money. Just open up a word document and write something that looks official. If the kid is under 5 years old or went to the University of Georgia they will probably fall for it. Tell them you paid extra to buy the star closest to the "Herschel Walker Star" and they will love you even more.

4) Buy something the person will always need.

Two things you can never buy generic...
Oreos and Toilet Paper.

People always will need toilet paper. ALWAYS. My Aunt Annie was way ahead of her time and if she was still alive today she surely would be a guest columnist on this blog. More than a few Christmas mornings we had huge gifts under the tree. How fun it was to to be 6 years old and open them up only to find a 24 roll package of Angel Soft toilet paper. It took some time to understand the method to her madness but let yourself get caught in a situation where you look over and all you see is a cardboard tube where the toilet paper is suppose to be and you will wish you had an Aunt Annie too.

3) Get rid of some friends

You don't have to get rid of them all
but the girl in the purple is of no use to me.

You may have a lot of friends and if you do this will take some time. But sit down and make a list of them all. Not a list on who will be there for you in a time of need or who you can count on for anything. No, make your list based on who you think will give you the nicest gifts this Christmas. You need to have a couple of sub-categories for this list. People who will most likely give you gifts that you can exchange for cash or a better gift need to stay on the list as well as people who know too much about your past. Feel free to shuffle this list up for your birthday too.

**Becky, Erin and didn't make the cut. Sorry girls but I will reevaluate this in 2009.

Katie, Harry and Robby you guys are safe. You know too much about me and will probably get a star named after you this year.

**(Edit-After catching so much flack from certain people I am keeping Becky, Erin and Ashley as friends this year and adding Carrie as well. Ya'll Got Rough!)

2) Regifting

You know how great that will look on you!?

This is the perfect way to kill two birds with one stone. You get rid of something that is taking up space at your home while striking another name off your list.

Check this out. I bought this just so I can reseal my old DVD's to give as gifts to people. You pay $49.95 for this and you can seal up all the DVD's you want or you can spend the same amount of money and buy yourself two and a half Stars. I think the choice is pretty obvious.

When you are done with the vacuum sealer you can give it as a gift as well.

Do yourself a favor and check the box before you give a regift. It would be awful to give a gift and accidently leave the name card in the box from the previous gifter. This may or may not have happened to people in my family before.

1) Send Christmas Cards for Free

Elvis Had it Right.

It's going to cost you for the Christmas Cards of course but you don't have to pay a dime for postage. It's pretty simple and the guys at the post office won't catch on for years so this should work for a while. All you have to do is send out your Christmas Cards as usual but instead of putting the correct address on the card you put a fake address. For the return address you write in the destination you want the card to go.


Who has two thumbs and a tongue that doesn't taste like stamps? This guy that's who. You never have to lick another Christmas stamp again.

The Post Master will think he is getting the last laugh when he sends your cards back to you except they will go exactly where you want them to end up.

If the Three Wisemen could find their way to a baby in a manger using only camels and a star I am sure this will work as well.

Have a good Christmas and send this to your friends.

Wednesday, November 26, 2008

Tuesday, November 25, 2008

Sometimes anonymous doesn't really mean anonymous

I see you....

IP Address Royal Finance Co - Hixson
Anderson, SC

Monday, November 24, 2008

Random Ramblings

I'm going to take a break from Scoops for a while. I've had a bunch of people give me ideas and I have those filed away so they will make an appearance soon but just not today. You know how David Caruso can only act in crime dramas on TV now? That's what this blog was turning in to with nothing but Scoops and Ups.

This post is about random thoughts I've had lately...

You know what gets on my nerves? People who drink Diet Coke for the taste of it but when you go to eat with them and somebody orders a Coke and the other person orders Diet Coke they have to ask you to taste it to make sure the server brought the right one. Does that make sense to anybody?

Oh yeah, I'm one of those Diet Coke people who have a hard time telling the difference.

I'm easily amused and sometimes just make up things to tell random people just to see their reaction.

Last week I invited a few people from my poker game to take my kickboxing class that I teach on Thursday nights. I almost had one taker when I told him he could wear my gloves.

I can teach you this if you promise not to use it against me.

Tonight I felt the need to tell the cashier at Target that my wife is pregnant and she wanted the milk, powdered donuts and gummy bears that I was buying.

I should have invited him to my kick boxing class.

I didn't feel the need for a story when I ordered the Baconator. There is no hint of healthiness in this burger.
They don't even waste time asking if you want lettuce or tomato with this one.

Am I the only person on the mailing list for Twisted Parties? I get an email from them every day and every time I see it in my box I think it says Twisted Panties. What a tease.

Speaking of teases what the hell is this about? And who is this?

Is this was a 400 pound man it would be gross wouldn't it?
Actually the more I look at it the grosser it gets.
I hope she just has sand in places I don't have places.

I was at Subway the other day and ordered double meat on my sandwich. The girl behind the counter said, "That's a lot of meat."

I replied, "Thanks."

You know what I mean and don't be rough!

Some people think that I wear faded designer jeans but they just look that way from wiping my hands on my jeans after each powdered donut.

If I owned a Zoot Suit this is what I would look like right now.

Is it just me or does everybody in this video look uncomfortable?

I was shopping for those Victory Plates at Wal-Mart and playing a little BINGO while I was there. I completed a the column under "N" within 15 minutes of being at the Walmart in Madison last week.

Click it to see a clear version

I've learned that you don't look forward to Fridays as much but Mondays sure don't suck as bad when you don't have a job.

I've looked all over for a picture of Lauren in a pair of Scoops and Ups but I've had no luck yet. Don't think I'm giving up Lauren and this isn't your official shout out either. I do know how to use Photoshop so it would probably be easier on you if you just to send me a picture.

Hook'em Horns!

If you think about it OJSimpsondidntcare! (either time)

Is it possible to love something as much as you hate it? Yes...Football.

In my next life I want to be a Shark or a Panda.

You think the police were standing just off camera when this happened?

The News Director didn't care

Jab of the week...

Alan Colmes of the network's "Hannity & Colmes" said Monday that he'll be leaving the prime-time show after 12 years. He'll continue as a commentator on Fox programs, keep doing his radio show and is developing a weekend show at Fox.

"We have a Democratic House, Senate and president," Colmes said in an interview. "My work is done."

Alan Colmes will also be reprising his role as the Crypt Keeper on HBO's Tales from the Crypt.

I wonder how many guys will scroll back up to see the picture of the girl licking her hands before clicking off this site?

Why did they have a machine gun on the rover in the movie Armageddon? Somebody knows something!

Maybe I'll have an update or two over Thanksgiving.

Leave comments...

Saturday, November 8, 2008

Presidental Scoops

Obama Scoops
Obama Scoops - This may as well be called a ski because it lets you walk on water.

I'll have a big update Monday. I just had to post this one.

Thursday, October 23, 2008

I'm alive and so is the scoop craze.

It's been a while since I've posted and yall have let me know about it. I think everyday somebody has asked (told me) to post again. I've had people send me pictures from Savannah to Macon to Clemson and in between.

Let's get to the Scoops along with a couple of surprises...

Check out this kid's scoops and ups. It almost looks like he is in one
giant up with sleeves cut out the side of it. No idea who's kid this is but
I found him at a wedding in Macon a couple of weeks ago. He was last seen
drinking a Bud Lite while hitting on bridesmaids. Probably a future doctor.

More baby scoops? These things are mass produced in China and I'm pretty
sure when the Chinese finally decide to attack us they will all be wearing scoops.
Turns out these aren't baby scoops at all...The Chinese just have really small feet.

Billiard Scoops - These scoops are so bright they blurred my camera.
This man actually lost these scoops playing pool a few hours after
this picture was taken. He was devastated and was last seen
walking the streets of Clemson in just his ups.

Pee Wee Herman Scoops - I think this girl was trying to do
the Tequila Dance made famous by Pee Wee Herman when
he stands up on his toes in his white scoops.
(Capris and Scoops do go together Becky)

Softball Scoops - If you have ever been to a softball field you have
seen a 40 year old man wearing these. And you know what I mean...

European Scoops - These things could have come over on the Mayflower
for all I know but I wish they would go back. I don't think you can
physically wear Ups with these Scoops as the earth may just stop spinning
if you try. One thing I am sure of is men who wear these are either talking to
the hottest women in the room or gay. Could be both...

The Star Spangled Banner Scoops - I have never seen anybody holding
their own scoops in their hands until now. Then it hit me! This lady has
removed her scoops like you remove your hat at a football game when
The National Anthem is played. She respects the Flag and her Scoops...
God bless her and God bless America.

Scoops Sign - Scoops now has it's own store. Thanks to Steve for sending
me this. As you can tell it was in the fourth slot on this billboard but has
moved up to third. If I was Publix I would watch my back.
The Supreme Dollar Store doesn't stand a chance and will be gone by Sunday.

Sharks love Scoops too - I took a picture of a lady wearing scoops at the
bank last week. I was going to post it but then I saw that she only has one arm.
The first thing I thought about was a horrible shark encounter where she fought
off Jaws and gave up her arm for her Scoops. I'm probably going to hell anyway but
I don't need to get there any sooner than scheduled so I'm not posting the picture.
Instead I'm posting this picture of Steven Spielberg wearing
Scoops and Ups in a sharks mouth. He is crooozin.

Now for the Fan of the Week...

I posted my blog on a message board a few times and it has gotten a little following.
As it turns out some people will do anything to be a part of this thing.

Meet Lee Lance.

It was just another Sunday in the mall when he spotted a pair of Scoops so
great that he stopped dead in his tracks and decided to became a part of
history. Lee tells me he saw these things in the window and made his wife
go in to the store without telling her why. He put on an Up and a Scoop
then made her take a picture all the while other people in the store were
looking at him like he had lost his mind. He then put the Scoop back in the
box and left the store without saying a word.

That my friends is what gets you named the first ever Fan of the Week!

Lee Lance - Super Fan

Tuesday, October 7, 2008

Quick Quiz

Quick Quiz...

These guys are...

A) Trying to score a role in the third MIB film
B) The only black Mormons in Atlanta.
C) Retarded
D) Doesn't matter because they are wearing SCOOPS.

Thursday, October 2, 2008

More and More Scoops

Some of you sent in some more Scoops pictures and I found a few more in the last week. Before I get to them I need pictures of fanny packs, chain wallets, mullets and just anything crazy you see.

On to the Scoops...

Scoop de jour - Phil Knight from Nike must keep up with my
blog and wants to capitalize on the phenomenon. If you were to
buy all these scoops you are set for the week. It even looks like
a pair of black scoops in there for Sunday. I actually know somebody
that has a pair of these.

Fat Boys - I guess these are back in style. I really question why they
ever went out of style to begin with. These shoes are good for people
with kankles who want to take the focus off them on on to the scoop.
Also very popular among 80's rap groups.

Medical Scoops - You can't really see it but these scoops are
made of mesh. I don't know if there was an fishing net laying
around and somebody thought it would make a nice pair of shoes or what.
Either way thanks for getting these Danyelle. This nurse could have
sliced you with a scalpel if she knew you were coveting her scoops.

Tourist Scoops - Tracey found these while standing in line
at the home of George Washington at Mount Vernon.
While Washington probably didn't wear a white scoop
he did wear the buckle scoop with massive ups. The
second gentleman in this picture is honoring the past with his ups.

Lost Scoops - This man is so lost he can't even
see the road he is standing on. Lucky for him
if he calls 911 they can send a rescue plane that will
spot his scoops from a mile away. I'm pretty sure
this man's wife bought and dressed him for his big
trip out of town and now he is lost somewhere in Smyrna.

Tuesday, September 23, 2008

Clay Aiken

So People Magazine is reporting that Clay Aiken is gay?

...I didn't see that one coming.

Monday, September 22, 2008

More Scoops

Sorry for the delay in posting these but thanks to everybody who told me over the weekend how much they like the blog and the places they have seen scoops.

This man is so relaxed. I'm sure he was enjoying a tasty burger or maybe even a steak and shrimp dinner. He just looks so comfortable in that booth with one leg over the other. It's almost like the brown shoes are jealous that they aren't scoops themselves. (kelly sent this one in)

Kiddie Scoops - This kid is ready. He will most likely graduate on to the scoops with velcro in a few years but these are good for now. No word if his mom still has to tie these scoops or not. You can see the girl in the background eyeing his scoops. She's jealous. (Claire sent this picture in)

These are Church Retreat Scoops. Notice the Bible in the picture. Little known fact that most of the The Twelve Apostles wore scoops. Judas was the first known person to wear "ups" with his "scoops" and you see how he turned out. (Picture by Taylor)

Mass Production Scoops - You get these when you sign up for freshman classes at GA Tech. (Picture by Kelly)

Coaching Scoops - Most coaches wear scoops. That doesn't make you a good coach by any stretch of the imagination. If it did Tommy Bowden would have won a title by now.

The Total Package - I spotted this man about 20 feet away at the book store. I saw the scoops first then noticed the chain that connects his wallet to his pants. Chain wallets really go well with a pair of scoops nicely and will eventually get its on thread on Don't Be Rough Blog. Its as if this man knew I have a website that highlights scoops and he wanted to show his off. He walked right over posed for a few seconds while pretending to look at magazines. I only hate I couldn't get his full body in the photo as he had a mullet to go with the chain and scoops. the picture is not clear becasue I was shaking with excitement. I am sorry.

Don't forget to keep spreading the word about Scoops!


Tuesday, September 16, 2008


I have my first guest blogger today.

One of my best friends always talks about "Muggin" like I should know what it means. I had no clue until she laid it out for me like this. I'm slow as most of you know so the pictures help a lot and it makes sense to me now. She uses the term "muggin" about as much as I say "don't be rough" so maybe it will catch on after the tens of millions of people read it on my blog.

Also before I forget more Scoops are coming Friday. I've gotten a lot of emails and texts from people who have found certain scoops out in the wild. Keep sending them in!

Katie also has her own Blog and loves cupcakes. Check it out and don't be rough!

Now here's Katie...

(All captions written by Josh)

So, I am charged this week with writing a guest blog for Josh. Apparently he is too lazy to actually blog for himself. He did however, assign me a topic. Whew! Makes my homework so much easier!

Josh wants me to explain the term ‘muggin’. He doesn’t quite have a grasp on what it means so he assumes that none of his ten readers understand it either. Yall are probably much more with it than him but I’ll attempt to explain it.

Muggin is a term that can be used in a few different ways. For instance, if you are unhappy with a situation and you express your feelings then you are muggin. If you’re not quite sure what I mean, just look at the following series of pictures.

David Beckam is "amazed!"

My God this man is "so amazed!" Clearly the two
men beside him are homosexuals.

Uh Oh somebody is "getting rough." Busted!

I don't even think a new pair of Scoops could cheer her up.

What do David Beckham and I have in common?
Neither one of us is sleeping with Posh tonight.

Clearly, Posh is muggin on Becks. You could also say that she is “coppin’ a mug” or “mean muggin”

And there you have it, now you know how to use the term muggin!

(editor's note: I would have used football players and porn stars in my examples but this works too. Thanks Katie.)

Thursday, September 11, 2008

ET Phone Home

This clip is so wrong but I can't stop watching...

I'll have a bigger post later.

Monday, September 8, 2008

The Hollywood Scoop

We have our first reader submission!
(Thanks Erin)

While not scoops caught in the wild with a cell phone these scoops come all the way from the west coast. These are the true "Hollywood Scoops." Notice how they tuck the jeans in to the scoops out there. Interesting...

Chris Brown must have read my blog before he got dressed last night.

Hopefully they stay out in Hollywood with the dumb ass that hosted the Video Music Awards last night, Russell Brand. I don't know who he is but if he ever shows up on my TV again I will blog about him. In the mean time I hope he gets run over by a bus somewhere between Rodeo Drive and Sunset Boulevard. I wrote something rougher about him but I will save it for later...

These people find me...

You know I made this blog so I could make fun of people. I figured it would be funny and I have a lot more ideas in addition to the "scoops" post. But sometimes things just seem to write themselves...

I show up at the Clemson game this past weekend and this guy is at the tailgate next to us. He even posed for pictures.

Feel free to comment...

Friday, September 5, 2008

Scoops in motion

This man loves his Scoops and Ups.

Thursday, September 4, 2008

Scoops and Ups

You've seen them before but you had no idea what they are called. Of course I am talking about "Scoops." Not the scoops to the right that are so crunchy and delicious with cheese dip or salsa...

Nope I'm talking about SCOOPS!!!

Scoops are simply white shoes. Usually ultra white tennis shoes with minimal color if any at all. Scoops are not limited to only tennis shoes but the best ones can be found with dark colored jeans. If you are lucky enough you will spot them with jean shorts.

The following Scoops were all taken out in the wild with my camera phone. You can laugh all you want but it's dangerous getting pictures like this. Before I knew how to turn my sound off the camera would make a clicking noise when the picture was taken. The best way to cover this up was to cough just as I clicked the photo. Another problem is when the scoop wearer is walking while I am trying to take the picture. These are very hard pictures to get with a camera phone.

I ask if you see any scoops in the future to get a picture of them and send them to me at

Here are a few examples of Scoops...

These are scoops with jeans. Pretty common
for serial killers in their 30's and 40's.
They can also be found at Dragon Con, Bus Stops and GA Tech.

These Scoops are so white that it blurs my camera. If Angels wore shoes they would wear these. These jeans also are a little more baggy than the previous picture. This guy was trying to dress up and this is the best he could do.

Notice how well a pair of Scoops go with some jeans that are too short when you sit down. I think it's because the tongue on these are so nice the guy wants you to see them and enjoy them like he does.

All the man to the left cares
about in life is making sure
he doesn't get these
bad boys dirty.

Apparently these shoes are real hot sellers around the Smyrna area. This guy went with this look before heading to Taco Bell for a Mexi-Melt. He was in such a hurry that he didn't have time to use the velcro offered on this model. If they were mine I would strap them down so nobody would steal them off my feet. Honda Accords, gold watches and Scoops are the most commonly stolen items according to

Ladies and gentlemen.....I give you Ups!

Ups are nothing more than socks that are pulled up high. This isn't a great example but when combined with the power of Scoops and shorts they are almost unstoppable. See the line on the floor there? That man has just crossed it and he doesn't give a damn.

Scoops, Ups and Shorts...
This man has to be hung like a donkey to leave the house this way.

I leave you with the Ultimate Scoop. If I ever get to Heaven I am going straight to God's closet and looking for the matching mate to this Scoop.